Welcome to Maine.
Let us greet you with a massive ice storm and state wide power outtages !
WOO !
So yeah, lost power around 12 am Friday morning. Didn't get it back until sometime this morning [Saturday]. Stayed at my grandparent's house, but they're in Florida so I didn't go completely insane. I love my grandparent's to pieces, but I'm not sure I could have handled all the fondling and loving and..family stuff at that time.
Came back today and my house was FREEZINGG. So to warm up, I straightened my hair?? haha it was actually I good idea, my head was nice and toasty after :)
I have an INSANE amount of homework. I have 2 tests to study for, a paper to write, a passage to annotate, and I need to start making preparations for Christmas/my trip to Japan. I'm really, really excited about going to Japan, but I'm going to miss all of my friends and my boyfrann sooo much. This is a really great opportunity though, and I feel so blessed that I can go to Japan basically any time I want. I could move there if I wanted to. And, honestly, I've been considering it. I mean, I won't, I want to finish high school here and graduate with my friends, but there are times where I just want to get out of this town.
Anywho, back to life. Uhm..oh, first band concert of the year is Wednesdayy :) woo ! Okay, I know the stigma that comes with being in band and, frankly, I don't care. I am proud to say I'm in band, I LOVE being in band. It's my favorite class [well..one of them]. I always have sooo much fun. Everyone seems to groan about having to play but, I don't know why, I just love being in that room, playing my clarinet :) It makes me really happy. I always leave that class humming one of the pieces we're working on. Sometimes, my fellow bandmates who also enjoy playing will hum along with me and we make our own little band ahaha.
HA oh jeez, at lunch on Wednesday, one of my best friends James was just like "GUYS ! Let's sing a chord !" so he started singing a note, and I sang the next note, and I'm pretty sure my other friend Zac joined in, but James and I definitely held on longer than he did. aha yeah, we just sat in the middle of Gym C, singing a chord. Because that's what we do, random shit like that. Then James proceeded to push me over into a table of guys, haha I love him.
Ooh lordy, I have soo much to talk about. But I'm tireddd so I'm going to bed.
Good night loves :)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
perfection. honestly.
So...it's 12:22 a.m. here on the East Coast, and I really should be sleeping [since I get up at 4:30], but something's bugging me.
I'm completely undeserving of the amazing guy I have. Honestly, I don't know why I've been so blessed. I've done some pretty shitty things in the past, so this makes no sense. I was on the phone with him today [firstly, he's the only person I can talk on the phone with], and I was hit again by how amazing he is. I mean, I've felt this before, but this was a new wave. And it kind of makes me sad, knowing he could do so much better and that someday he'll figure it out. I want him to be happy, god that's all I want for him, but I keep hoping that maybe I'll be able to make him happy, by some strange twist of fate.
He really is the guy I've been searching for. He's so sweet and kind, yet he can be playfully mean and rude, and he's in LOVE with music. The music thing alone makes him perfect. And it's the music thing that kind of makes me realize I'm sooo not worthy of him.
He makes me think. Like really, really think about things and reconsider who I am. And he's made me appreciate music so much more. I thought I thoroughly appreciated all the technical pieces of music and it's sheer beauty, but being with him has brought me to a whole other level. I actually want to persue my music now. I mean, I did before, but he makes me want to get out my guitars and start playing again. He makes me want to pick up my flute and relearn it, go out and buy a keyboard so I can learn that, too.
He makes me want to be a better person. He has reawakened dreams I had that I'd long ago suppressed. I'm writing more, I'm singing more, and I'm working harder with the instruments I play. Nobody ever had faith in what I wanted, and I feel like he would push me to reach my goals. I think he'd not only support me, but help me along. The music he makes astounds me, it seriously blows me away. I listen to him play guitar or piano and I can't help but wonder, how did I end up with him? Why did he choose me, out of all the other girls that wanted him?
Yes, the music plays a huge role in why I'm so attracted to him. But it's also...him. This is completely cheesy and totally cliche, but the first time I saw him, I knew I had to have him. He walked into my Spanish class in all his awesome glory, and I turned to Brooke and mouthed "He's kinda hot" haha :) Every time he talked to me, it became this huge story I had to tell Brooke, or anybody that would listen. He stunned me from the beginning, and he keeps amazing me every day. God, this is horrible, but...he's my Edward. ahaha he hates Edward Cullen, he thinks he's a horrible boyfriend. I, on the other hand, think Edward would be a very nice boyfriend to have, except for the whole overprotective, control freak thing. But, I digress, he is my personal Edward. He may not sparkle or suck blood [as far as I know], but he is the stunning, god-like figure to me that Edward is to Bella.
gah, I'm really tired. So I'm ending this for now, but trust me, more rants about my unworthiness will make an appearance. Probably regularly, so I'll warn you now.
Goodnight/morning :)
I'm completely undeserving of the amazing guy I have. Honestly, I don't know why I've been so blessed. I've done some pretty shitty things in the past, so this makes no sense. I was on the phone with him today [firstly, he's the only person I can talk on the phone with], and I was hit again by how amazing he is. I mean, I've felt this before, but this was a new wave. And it kind of makes me sad, knowing he could do so much better and that someday he'll figure it out. I want him to be happy, god that's all I want for him, but I keep hoping that maybe I'll be able to make him happy, by some strange twist of fate.
He really is the guy I've been searching for. He's so sweet and kind, yet he can be playfully mean and rude, and he's in LOVE with music. The music thing alone makes him perfect. And it's the music thing that kind of makes me realize I'm sooo not worthy of him.
He makes me think. Like really, really think about things and reconsider who I am. And he's made me appreciate music so much more. I thought I thoroughly appreciated all the technical pieces of music and it's sheer beauty, but being with him has brought me to a whole other level. I actually want to persue my music now. I mean, I did before, but he makes me want to get out my guitars and start playing again. He makes me want to pick up my flute and relearn it, go out and buy a keyboard so I can learn that, too.
He makes me want to be a better person. He has reawakened dreams I had that I'd long ago suppressed. I'm writing more, I'm singing more, and I'm working harder with the instruments I play. Nobody ever had faith in what I wanted, and I feel like he would push me to reach my goals. I think he'd not only support me, but help me along. The music he makes astounds me, it seriously blows me away. I listen to him play guitar or piano and I can't help but wonder, how did I end up with him? Why did he choose me, out of all the other girls that wanted him?
Yes, the music plays a huge role in why I'm so attracted to him. But it's also...him. This is completely cheesy and totally cliche, but the first time I saw him, I knew I had to have him. He walked into my Spanish class in all his awesome glory, and I turned to Brooke and mouthed "He's kinda hot" haha :) Every time he talked to me, it became this huge story I had to tell Brooke, or anybody that would listen. He stunned me from the beginning, and he keeps amazing me every day. God, this is horrible, but...he's my Edward. ahaha he hates Edward Cullen, he thinks he's a horrible boyfriend. I, on the other hand, think Edward would be a very nice boyfriend to have, except for the whole overprotective, control freak thing. But, I digress, he is my personal Edward. He may not sparkle or suck blood [as far as I know], but he is the stunning, god-like figure to me that Edward is to Bella.
gah, I'm really tired. So I'm ending this for now, but trust me, more rants about my unworthiness will make an appearance. Probably regularly, so I'll warn you now.
Goodnight/morning :)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It's snowing? Well, duhh welcome to Maine.
It snowed today ! I was so exciteddd. And then it stopped, and the gods laughed in my face and made me cry....not really, but that's what it felt like.
So that whole "coffee high" thing happened AGAIN on Friday. It wasn't as awesome as the first time, but it was still pretty schweet. Brooke and Stinson kept giving me these weird looks, and Stinson kept telling me to breathe in and out, so just to spite him I would breathe in and then hold it...and keep holding it...until I got nice and lightheaded and then I'd breathe out. Coffee highs make everything much more enjoyable...until the crash. Everything just goes...bad. The thing is, I start crashing and I'm like shit shit shit and then it just picks up again. Then I don't crash again, but slowly fade, so it's not as bad.
My mother has recently decided to make known the hate she has apparently felt for me since my conception. Since I'm not getting straight effing As, she gave me a little talk about the choices I have to make in life. And also told me that my already virtually nonexistant social life will be further limited. Yeah, all this for me while my sister, who might I add is currently failing a class [or two, I don't know] is allowed to do whatever the hell she wants to do. WHAT THE RAGING DOUCHEMACHINE BATMAN??!! I try to talk to mommy dearest about this, but she gets pissy and I'm like hooookay, never mind and run off to my room. People don't understand why I like being at school so much, but it's because I'm not looked in a tiny room for hours. [Well..I guess I am, but I'm with friends then]. Honestly, I get home and the second I'm in, I'm on my way to my room, closing [or rather sliding] the door behind me. Many times, I try to be social and sit out in the kitchen with the rest of my family, but my sister always finds ways to make me want to strangle her, so I figure it's safest if I just stay in my room. It does get really lonely though. And my sister is on the phone for hours at night, so the only time I get to call my boyfriend is like after 9, which doesn't work for my mother who yells at me to get off the phone.
OH did I mention she has limited my phone time to half an hour? Yeah. She did.
Guess how long my sister gets to be on the phone. Just guess. No guesses?
HOURS. She can stay on for as longgg as she very well pleases. Once again, she's the one failing in school, I'm not. I'm challenging myself and working hard, she's just coasting through. She comes home and plants herself in the living room on the couch, turns on the tv, grabs something to eat, and calls her friends. Or she's doing something with basketball. Whyy in the world would she be allowed to play a sport if she can't keep up with her schoolwork? WHY GODDAMNIT?! I don't understand ! I was never allowed to do sports in middle school because my mom was worried it would affect my school work. My sister on the other hand is allowed to do sports in middle school and she is FAILING. F-A-I-L-I-N-G FAILING. I'm sure she wouldn't even know how to spell failing. She's an IDIOT. No common sense what so ever. GRAWR she angers me to no end. We really don't get along. It's quite sad actually.
WOAH I've been ranting. More story time later about my totally disfunctional family and coffee adventures kids :)
So that whole "coffee high" thing happened AGAIN on Friday. It wasn't as awesome as the first time, but it was still pretty schweet. Brooke and Stinson kept giving me these weird looks, and Stinson kept telling me to breathe in and out, so just to spite him I would breathe in and then hold it...and keep holding it...until I got nice and lightheaded and then I'd breathe out. Coffee highs make everything much more enjoyable...until the crash. Everything just goes...bad. The thing is, I start crashing and I'm like shit shit shit and then it just picks up again. Then I don't crash again, but slowly fade, so it's not as bad.
My mother has recently decided to make known the hate she has apparently felt for me since my conception. Since I'm not getting straight effing As, she gave me a little talk about the choices I have to make in life. And also told me that my already virtually nonexistant social life will be further limited. Yeah, all this for me while my sister, who might I add is currently failing a class [or two, I don't know] is allowed to do whatever the hell she wants to do. WHAT THE RAGING DOUCHEMACHINE BATMAN??!! I try to talk to mommy dearest about this, but she gets pissy and I'm like hooookay, never mind and run off to my room. People don't understand why I like being at school so much, but it's because I'm not looked in a tiny room for hours. [Well..I guess I am, but I'm with friends then]. Honestly, I get home and the second I'm in, I'm on my way to my room, closing [or rather sliding] the door behind me. Many times, I try to be social and sit out in the kitchen with the rest of my family, but my sister always finds ways to make me want to strangle her, so I figure it's safest if I just stay in my room. It does get really lonely though. And my sister is on the phone for hours at night, so the only time I get to call my boyfriend is like after 9, which doesn't work for my mother who yells at me to get off the phone.
OH did I mention she has limited my phone time to half an hour? Yeah. She did.
Guess how long my sister gets to be on the phone. Just guess. No guesses?
HOURS. She can stay on for as longgg as she very well pleases. Once again, she's the one failing in school, I'm not. I'm challenging myself and working hard, she's just coasting through. She comes home and plants herself in the living room on the couch, turns on the tv, grabs something to eat, and calls her friends. Or she's doing something with basketball. Whyy in the world would she be allowed to play a sport if she can't keep up with her schoolwork? WHY GODDAMNIT?! I don't understand ! I was never allowed to do sports in middle school because my mom was worried it would affect my school work. My sister on the other hand is allowed to do sports in middle school and she is FAILING. F-A-I-L-I-N-G FAILING. I'm sure she wouldn't even know how to spell failing. She's an IDIOT. No common sense what so ever. GRAWR she angers me to no end. We really don't get along. It's quite sad actually.
WOAH I've been ranting. More story time later about my totally disfunctional family and coffee adventures kids :)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
first blog ! WOOO !
Heyyaa,
So yeah, first blog.
Ever.
In my whole existence.
This is a pretty special moment. I'd like to just let this sink in for a second.....
.....okay, I'm good.
Well...today was latestart for us Kennecrunkers. School doesn't start until 9 on latestart, but I being the incredibly COOL kid I am wanted to go to school at like..7:20. So I got there thinking some of my friends might be there..they weren't. Except James, so I sat around with him talking about Christmas movies and how much his mom hates me, even though she's never met me :) I love James, we've had some laughs haha.
OH. This morning I downed like 5 cups of coffee right? Yeah, didn't think it was going to be a problem. I get to band, everything's going fine and then all of a sudden WHAM. I'm WAYYY lightheaded, like dizzy beyond belief, my breathing is completely messed up, I'm shaking all over and...okay the only way I can describe it is, it felt like I was made of bumble-bees. Not even kidding, that's the first thing I thought of. It was AWESOME. I had the best day because of it.
But as awesome as today was, this week has been complete shit for the most part. I have a "friend" that just blew something completely out of proportion and is now going around telling people all these things they don't need to know, getting them involved in things that aren't their business. And, he completely disrespected me over IM. I was shocked at how he was talking to me, and so were my other friends. [Yes, I was cool enough to print out the conversation and show people. I needed support...] So that's been upsetting me for the past few days, but today I decided I'm really not going to let it bother me anymore. He can be completely immature if he wants, I don't really care. He called today and apologized, but the damage is done, I can't think of him as the friend he was or give him the respect I once had for him.
Uh..yeah, that's about all I have for today.
Good night :)
ps.
I'll make this prettier when I'm actually awake and fully aware of what's going on :)
So yeah, first blog.
Ever.
In my whole existence.
This is a pretty special moment. I'd like to just let this sink in for a second.....
.....okay, I'm good.
Well...today was latestart for us Kennecrunkers. School doesn't start until 9 on latestart, but I being the incredibly COOL kid I am wanted to go to school at like..7:20. So I got there thinking some of my friends might be there..they weren't. Except James, so I sat around with him talking about Christmas movies and how much his mom hates me, even though she's never met me :) I love James, we've had some laughs haha.
OH. This morning I downed like 5 cups of coffee right? Yeah, didn't think it was going to be a problem. I get to band, everything's going fine and then all of a sudden WHAM. I'm WAYYY lightheaded, like dizzy beyond belief, my breathing is completely messed up, I'm shaking all over and...okay the only way I can describe it is, it felt like I was made of bumble-bees. Not even kidding, that's the first thing I thought of. It was AWESOME. I had the best day because of it.
But as awesome as today was, this week has been complete shit for the most part. I have a "friend" that just blew something completely out of proportion and is now going around telling people all these things they don't need to know, getting them involved in things that aren't their business. And, he completely disrespected me over IM. I was shocked at how he was talking to me, and so were my other friends. [Yes, I was cool enough to print out the conversation and show people. I needed support...] So that's been upsetting me for the past few days, but today I decided I'm really not going to let it bother me anymore. He can be completely immature if he wants, I don't really care. He called today and apologized, but the damage is done, I can't think of him as the friend he was or give him the respect I once had for him.
Uh..yeah, that's about all I have for today.
Good night :)
ps.
I'll make this prettier when I'm actually awake and fully aware of what's going on :)
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