perfection. honestly.

So...it's 12:22 a.m. here on the East Coast, and I really should be sleeping [since I get up at 4:30], but something's bugging me.
I'm completely undeserving of the amazing guy I have. Honestly, I don't know why I've been so blessed. I've done some pretty shitty things in the past, so this makes no sense. I was on the phone with him today [firstly, he's the only person I can talk on the phone with], and I was hit again by how amazing he is. I mean, I've felt this before, but this was a new wave. And it kind of makes me sad, knowing he could do so much better and that someday he'll figure it out. I want him to be happy, god that's all I want for him, but I keep hoping that maybe I'll be able to make him happy, by some strange twist of fate.
He really is the guy I've been searching for. He's so sweet and kind, yet he can be playfully mean and rude, and he's in LOVE with music. The music thing alone makes him perfect. And it's the music thing that kind of makes me realize I'm sooo not worthy of him.
He makes me think. Like really, really think about things and reconsider who I am. And he's made me appreciate music so much more. I thought I thoroughly appreciated all the technical pieces of music and it's sheer beauty, but being with him has brought me to a whole other level. I actually want to persue my music now. I mean, I did before, but he makes me want to get out my guitars and start playing again. He makes me want to pick up my flute and relearn it, go out and buy a keyboard so I can learn that, too.
He makes me want to be a better person. He has reawakened dreams I had that I'd long ago suppressed. I'm writing more, I'm singing more, and I'm working harder with the instruments I play. Nobody ever had faith in what I wanted, and I feel like he would push me to reach my goals. I think he'd not only support me, but help me along. The music he makes astounds me, it seriously blows me away. I listen to him play guitar or piano and I can't help but wonder, how did I end up with him? Why did he choose me, out of all the other girls that wanted him?
Yes, the music plays a huge role in why I'm so attracted to him. But it's also...him. This is completely cheesy and totally cliche, but the first time I saw him, I knew I had to have him. He walked into my Spanish class in all his awesome glory, and I turned to Brooke and mouthed "He's kinda hot" haha :) Every time he talked to me, it became this huge story I had to tell Brooke, or anybody that would listen. He stunned me from the beginning, and he keeps amazing me every day. God, this is horrible, but...he's my Edward. ahaha he hates Edward Cullen, he thinks he's a horrible boyfriend. I, on the other hand, think Edward would be a very nice boyfriend to have, except for the whole overprotective, control freak thing. But, I digress, he is my personal Edward. He may not sparkle or suck blood [as far as I know], but he is the stunning, god-like figure to me that Edward is to Bella.

gah, I'm really tired. So I'm ending this for now, but trust me, more rants about my unworthiness will make an appearance. Probably regularly, so I'll warn you now.

Goodnight/morning :)