the burden I have been carrying is not my idea of fun

I've decided.
I will make my music.
I can find other things to push me.
I want to make my music. I want to perfect that art. I want to be the best I can be. Music is the only thing that makes sense to me right now...it's been the only consistent thing in my life. I will do this. I'm going to devote most of my time to my music. I'm going to write down every little thing I think of that could possibly be used to help me, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

I can't sit down and write a whole song. I mean, I can, I'm very capable of it, but it doesn't happen like that. Usually, I'm just sitting on the computer or reading or trying to fall asleep, and two lines will come into my mind. At that point, I'll jump up, frantically searching for my song journal [which I always seem to misplace] and write those lines down. If I'm really feeling it, I'll keep writing. I love those moments, when I can pour myself into a song, when everything clicks and the ink flows. Sometimes, what I'm writing doesn't make much sense, but I just release all of the emotions I have stored up and just...write.

I wish things came more easily to me, though. I wish I were more creative. I think I worry too much about whether or not what I'm drawing/writing/etc is creative, and it kind of forms this mental block. I'm hoping that with age and experience I'll become more creative and more inspired...hopefully I'll be better able to express myself to the best of my ability.

I don't know, I was just thinking about that, and I was asked to write a new blog, so I thought this would work. Ha maybe someday my blogs won't suck so hard and I'll be of some interest to people :) But that's a big maybe.