I want....

somebody to come over.

I want to get so drunk that I'm hung over for at least three days.

I want to get sooooo fucking high.

I want to get fucked up and hook up with some random guy, and never talk to him again.

I want to forget you.

I want to hate you.

God, I really do.

I'm a fucking shell.

I'm a fucking wreck.

I am fucked.

I am nothing and I am fucked.

I never want to think again.

I want to drink myself to death.

I want to overdose.

Be comatose.

ANYTHING but this.

You know what I want?
I want to be happy.

Like I was a few months ago.

I want to feel something again.

I want to stop asking God why he's doing this to me.

I want to stop frantically searching my voicemail for those messages.

I want to stop getting in bed and crying myself to sleep [if I sleep at all]
I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the coming day, not mourn the fact that I made it through the night.

I want just one, at least one, of my friends to understand where I'm coming from.

I want to stop missing that voice.

I want to stop missing those phone calls.

I want to be able to make it through a day without crying.

I want to be able to drive a car, listen to the radio, and not start hyperventilating when a song comes on he used to play [I was fucking whiteknuckling it, tears in my eyes]
I want to stop wishing on stars, and freaking out when I miss 11:11.

I want to turn back time.

I want back what I lost.

I want that more than anything [I'd give anything, literally].

I want to feel whole again.

I want that other piece back.

I want to run away [seriously].

I want someone to hold my hand, look me in the eyes, hold me, kiss my forehead....
I want someone to LOVE me.

I want to cry [the tears are right there]
I want to cut again. So badly. Sooooo fucking badly.

I want to stop saying things like "Guh I'm going to kill myself" and being partly serious.

I want to stop feeling so fake.

I want to feel beautiful without all the makeup and hair.

I want to stop despising myself.



I want to forget.
I want to...sleep. Sleep for a looooong time. Sleep forever.