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I almost caved today. Like..just now. A few minutes ago. It's 1:02 in the morning, and I got off the phone with Kevin like half an hour ago and...yeah...that's part of the reason. It's so hard because I want to do it again so badly, but the desire to be strong and not do it overpowers the desire to give in. But my god, I've come so close. Twice this week. I think I'm losing my hold on things. I feel like I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff and everything that's been going on is trampling on my fingers, trying to make me let go. I won't let go. I won't. I can't and I won't. I'm stronger than that....I know I am...I think.