holy long time since my last blog batman !

Alright, sooo it's been about a month since I last posted a blog ^_^ oops.
But a shitload of SHITTT has happened. Uhmm I went to Japan over Christmas break, and really it wasn't THAT memorable I guess. I don't know, my memories are a little blocked by the completely dramatic turn everything took when I got back. Seriously, the worst things happen to me whenever I get back from a remotely "long"ish trip.
Yeah, I got dumped. I'd like to say it was a mutual decision, but I think in order for it to be mutual, I'd have to be accepting and supportive of it, which I'm definitely NOT at all. And because of this dumpage, I've lost really the only thing that was pushing me to better myself. I don't know, I've just lost my drive to make music. I don't even like sleeping anymore, and I freaking LOVEEEE sleeping normally, but now I just have dreams where everything's fine and I'm still happy..and then I wake up and I'm just depressed. Ha, I'm sorry this blog is so mehhhh and "emo" [if you will] but I just need to vent. And it's not like anybody really reads this anyway haha. I don't know..I'm just like..blank. But I'm trying REALLY hard to perk up and snap out of it, it's just really difficult when I'm still feeling like this is just a really bad nightmare and I'm going to wake up and everything will be okay. I'm hoping that someday he'll be really ready for a relationship and maybe then he'll give me another chance...but I really doubt it. I'm not THAT lucky.
But I did learn that I really do have this crazy sixth sense about relationships. I've predicted every bad thing that's happened in my past two relationships/pre-relationships. For example, last week, Sunday everything's fine and awesome and I'm happy. Monday, crap starts. Monday night - Thursday morning, barely talk to Stinson, so I know obviously something's wrong, I'm not an idiot. I told my friend Kevin like Tuesday or Wednesday night that I had a feeling I'd be dumped by the end of the week and, oh hey, Friday rolls around and I'm dumped. Maybe it's just insecurity and not some strange gift, but either way, I'm not sure if I like it or not. I mean, it helps me prepare emotionally, but there's only so much preparation that can take place. You can't really brace yourself for the completely distressing and emotionally/mentally draining nature of a breakup. It just blows. Hard.
Another thing I learned is that, apparently, I'm really pretty when I cry?? ahaha that's what my love Nikki told me. Yeah...lotssss of people saw me cry last week. I feel really bad for them. I hate crying in front of people. I want to be the strong friend who everybody can come to and lean on. I hate being weak. I just want to help people. But I guess I do love a good vent session, where I can just talkk and let go. I freaking love my friends, I have some of the best friends EVER. I feel really bad for people that 1. don't have friends and 2. don't have MY friends. I really have the most loyal and loving friends imaginable, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. My sophomore year has just been horrible and draining, and without them...I don't know...I think without them, really bad things would have happened.
Okay, I'm about to end this one since it's getting ridiculously long and stupid and sappy and I'm starting to hate myself for writing it. But, Friday night, I went to a local show in Wells. It was okay, but I didn't get to see Sparks The Rescue, which was really the only reason I went. I did get to hang out backstage and be awkward though aha. I was just being social, but stupid Jenica was making fun of me :( ahah I was standing next to a guy who I awesome was a band manager and I dropped my camera practically on his foot and he's just like "oh that's no problem, I drop my phone all the time" and I was like "yeahh I can't keep a hold on anything" and it was totally funny yet really awkward at the same time. And he was about the size of a hobbit, so I kinda felt bad that I was like looking down at this guy who was probably at least 12 years older than me. I don't know...nevermind.
AHHH one more thing. My mommy and stepdaddy redid my room ! It's totally freaking awesome and I looooove it. They're letting me paint on my walls like write and stuff and they're letting me do all this coool crap. And I'm putting twinkle lights on my ceiling ^_^
Alright, that's it for now. I do have lots more to talk about, I just have 8237498 hours of homework left and it's 9 pm and I'd really like to get some sleep tonight.
Good night my lovesss [whoever actually takes the time to read this crap :)]